Friend Wounds

by Cynthia Jennings on August 26, 2020
You never saw it coming!! Out of nowhere your friend makes a remark that cuts you to the depths of your soul. With head turned and a dumbfounded look you’re wondering if you said something or did anything to trigger such a hurtful stinging remark that provoked such a fierce blow.

Had you misunderstood your friendship? Were you no longer friends and now enemies?

When we receive what I lovingly call “friend wounds” from someone who is supposed to love us can break our hearts and wound us in ways we never thought to imagine. “Friend wounds” shut us down and damages trust. It often leaves us with the questions “what happened and why did it happen?

Good news! Jesus experienced the same thing with His friends. Yet, He continued to love past the hurt of “friend wounds.” Can we love past the hurt? And what does loving past the hurt look like? I must admit loving past the hurt and the execution of loving past the hurt will be different for each friendship dynamic. Are we capable of loving past the hurt? Absolutely! The real question is are we willing to do what Jesus did, and love past the hurt of “friend wounds?”

As we know, neglected and buried wounds don’t heal, so it’s vitally important that we deal with them. God promises to help us deal with our wounds. When we bring our wounds to Him, He can mend our heart and teach us how to love past the hurt.

Loving past the hurt of “friend wounds” begins with the following:

1. Forgiveness: I’m sure at times you have been less than the perfectly attentive friend. Therefore, extend some grace to your friend as well as for yourself. The one who holds a grudge hurts the most. Remember God overlooks and takes a lot to remain in a relationship with us, so it’s ok to overlook some faults of your friend. (Colossians 3:13--Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye).

2. Be patient and constant in prayer: Learn to apply prayer to your emotional wounds often. Think of your prayer as medicine. The right medicine{prayer} will gradually heal “friend wounds” as well as the emotional trauma extending from the “friend wounds.” Healing is a gradual process. Therefore, exercise patience as you pray for your friend and the attitude of your heart. (Romans 12:12--Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer).

3. Extend an olive branch: Is it necessary to rehash all the gory details in order to make peace and move on? Granted depending on the wound, some things will need to be discussed. However, try seeking peace by going to your friend and saying, “I’ve sensed some tension and hurt between us, how can we make it right? This may not always work if the friend is not willing to communicate. But making the effort to reconcile (even if you were the one wronged) opens the door for communication and healing. (Matthew 5:24--Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift).

4. Don’t gang up: Often when we are wounded, we are tempted to recruit others to be on “our side.” This is not a good idea and usually doesn’t help. If you need advice to help navigate through your hurt, seek out counsel from someone who isn’t involved or genuinely able to remain neutral with the best interest of both people. (Proverbs 10:12-- Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins).

5. Occasional friendly fire is to be expected: Friendships involve people with different ideas and thoughts that usually coexist with no issues. However, there will be times when those same coexisting differences can cause a fire. The more we care about someone the more the fire from that person can hurt us. If we understand, even the best of friends there will be a little pain at times. Understanding this helps to minimize the hurt from the shock of the fire. It’s usually not the fire that causes the wound but the shock of the fire coming from your friend. (James 4:4-- From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members?).

I know how badly wounds from a friend can hurt! But I encourage you to not seek revenge but to seek God’s face. Spend time in His presence to allow His love to heal you. Always remember God can create something beautiful out of each any wound, even the wound of a friend.
PEARLStoPONDER: At some point in our lives we have been hurt by a friend due to a thoughtless remark, selfishness, irritability or just downright meanness. You can view it as something terrible that will always hurt you or as something that God can use for His good and glory. Remember ALL wounds heal if the proper medicine is used.

Psalm 147:3--He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.

Proverbs 20:22-- Say not thou, I will recompense evil; but wait on the Lord, and he shall save thee.

1 Peter 3:9-- Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.
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