What is the godliest way to respond when someone says something or does something that breaks our hearts?

Do you confront the person to prove to them how wrong they are? Or do you pretend you are okay just to keep the peace?

I have responded in both ways. But what I learned neither way is correct.

When I was in the mode of proving or pretending the Holy Spirit revealed to me that I was not trusting God with the outcome, and I was processing my hurt the wrong way.

The Godly way to approach a situation is with soul integrity—" But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere” (James 3:17).

Soul integrity involves being honest and peacemaking at the same time. But how?

Commit to real honesty. Not all expressions of feelings are real honesty. Honest feelings may not be truthful assessments of the situation. You can feel justified in being blatant about your feelings—not hiding anything---keeping it 100—and prideful for being “so real,” all under the guise of being honest.

That type of honesty is not true honesty, it is emotional spewing. That is why we need peacemaking honesty guided by the Holy Spirit.

Ask the Holy Spirit to show you the truth. This will encompass seeing things from the other person’s perspective. It will equip you to ask questions of that person with the desire to better understand instead of hurling words of accusation. The goal is to add peace to any situation.

I realize and understand how it must grieve God to see fake peacemaking. That is what we do when we pretend everything is okay.

When we foster fake peacemaking, we do so at the expense of honesty. Fake peacemaking causes us to harbor detrimental bitterness that will eventually emerge in the form of eroding health that will later present itself in emotional and physical illness or overtime the peacemaker will explode.

Saying “I’m fine” to keep the peace---when you are really “not fine” ---is not honest. Ouch!! Yes, this steps all over my toes because this was me.

Soul integrity is honesty and peacemaking that leads to godliness. It brings balance to chaotic relationships and situations. And we become people who are not proving or pretending, but peacemakers who will reap the harvest of great qualities in our lives.

Qualities that include peace that rules our hearts, gentleness, resolute in truth and patience.

PRAYER: Heavenly Father, through You I can bring the way I process hurt under Your authority and truth. I am asking for forgiveness for sitting in the untruth, being a fake peacemaker and for harboring bitterness. I thank You for grace and I thank You for Your Holy Spirit, who gives me wisdom to move beyond my feelings and reactions. Change my perspective and help me lean on You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

PEARLStoPONDER: When asked how you are doing and you say, “I’m fine.” Is that the truth?

Psalm 34:14-- Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons^[a] of God.

Matthew 5:9-- Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

Romans 12:18-- If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

Romans 14:19-- So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.

James 3:17-18--  But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. ¹⁸ And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.